A man lies dying in a hospital bed and says the following to his doctor; "I spent my entire life stepping on people in order to get where I wanted to be, and now there's no one left for me. It's only now that I realize it's so simple. It's who you love and how you love. As for the rest of it - the rest of it never mattered." This is a powerful lesson found in the latest book I am reading entitled, The NOW Effect by Elisha Goldstein, PhD.
"It is not too uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living." Eckhart Tolle.
Now that I've thrown two very heavy and thought provoking quotes your way, how about psychology story. Trust me - this has a lot to do with art and being an artist. A philosophy professor stood in front of his class holding a large, empty bell jar. She began filling the jar with golf balls and when the balls reached the top, she asked her class, "Is the jar full?" To this, they all agreed. Then the professor took a bag of pebbles and poured them into the jar. Naturally, they filled the spaces between the golf balls. Again, she asked her class if the jar was full, and again they all agreed.
The sly professor who was most assuredly trying to make a point, then produced and bag of sand and poured that into her jar, thus filling up almost all the remaining space. "It's full now, correct?" The class believing nothing more could fit into the jar proudly stated, "Yes!" The professor took a sip of her coffee and then proceeded to pour the remaining amount into the jar, filling very small voids that no one thought were there. "So what does this mean?", the professor asked. A smart-ass student raised his coffee mug and replied, "There's always room for coffee!" The students as well as the professor shared in a good laugh.
The professor pondered the concept further; "Imagine this jar represents the space in your life. The golf balls represent what's most important - family, children, health, friends, and things you're passionate about. It's about the things that, at the end of your life, you would be glad you paid attention to. The pebbles are essential but less important - such as your house, car, and job. The sand is all the small stuff in life that you're trying not to sweat. Finally, the coffee - well, you've already answered that one."
The professor continued, "There's room for all of this, but only if you put the golf balls in first. If you put either the pebbles or the sand in first, there won't be any room for golf balls. The way we pay attention to our lives works the same way. If you spend your attention or mental space sweating the small stuff in our lives, you won't have the capacity to pay attention to what is most imp[ortant to you."
This story speaks to becoming more mindful of what really matters. Paying attention to the things that make you value in life is fundamental to your happiness. Is it your relationship to your partner, paying attention to your children, taking care of your body, making room for play, or living with greater ease? Time to make a list of what's truly important to you and me. What do we value? For me, it's my immediate family; my husband Dave, my children and grand-children, close friends, and even extended family. Second, my health, followed by my art, my home, car, and employment.
This past Friday, Dave and I went over to our youngest daughter's house and spent time with her and her two young boys. Her oldest son, was studying about birds, parrots in particular, in school. He loves to draw, so we drew me a nice sketch which took about 15 minutes. When completed, he handed it to me and said, "It's a grand-parrot." We all stifled our laughs. It's moments like these that happen in an instant that makes our lives worth living.
In the painting aspect of my life - you probably thought I'd never get to this part - I have been asked to teach a senior citizen art class in addition to my busy schedule that involves writing, my art sketchbook project that's heading to New York in the Spring, along with another commissioned oil painting. While it would only be one day a week, it's amazing what the process involves, and the organizations activities director and I have still yet to meet. I've already completed a pros and cons list, but I'll need more information before I can make the decision that's right for me.
Creating a way to be aware of our values can help us break out of autopilot and guide us back to what really matters. So here's what I want you to do; get a jar and some golf balls or if that's not your speed, maybe some nice stones that aren't very big. Label them with something that really matters in your life. If you don't have a jar, (or golf balls or stones), you can always draw one. Actions do speak louder than words, so check to see where in your life are you actions to your values. Are you taking your partner out to dinner? If you have kids, are you spending, that wonderful 80's term, quality time with them? Are we responding to people as well as yourself with greater kindness and compassion without being a doormat? Are you involved with something your passionate about?
Not to sound like a cliche, it's your life - make the most of it.
Until nest time,
Jill
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