The Painting Spectrum - What If?

   You're a painter. You've been painting for approximately 90% of your lifetime, ever since you were a kid. You attended classes and workshops. You've taught classes and workshops. You've displayed your works in fairs, businesses, and galleries. You've sold work on-line as well as at art markets and said art galleries. But what if, out of nowhere, you were a painter (or an artist of any genre) who suddenly couldn't see? Or a painter who entered a funky depression? The previous eight sentences have just described me.

   A little over a month ago, I noticed vision problems in my left eye. I was unsure if I needed new glasses or had a foreign object in my eye. I knew something was really wrong and needed this situation checked out, was when I was reading a book while drinking a cup of tea. When I lifted my cup with my right hand and pretty much blocked my right eye, all the letters on the books page moved and suddenly slanted downward much to my surprise. I went to see my optometrist and after a lengthy appointment, I found that I have a macular hole in my left eye. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary to my eye, no unusual strain, or injure it in any way. These things just happen sometimes, mostly due to age.

   In the depths of winter, I often get depressed. While I love where I live along the coast of Maine, the winters can seem to drag, even if they're not that brutal. March can be a difficult month for me, but I take the necessary steps to wade through it. However, it's now late April - the weather has been wetter and colder than normal for the most part and with this news about my eye, (and the upcoming surgery), I can openly admit, I'm tanking.

   I haven't had the energy or the where-with-all to pick up a brush. I'm finding I don't have any fresh ideas. In a way, I'm grateful I finished my oil slick series, but on the flip side of the coin, I'm saddened that it is finished. I'm ready to take all my painting supplies and hurl them out my studio windows. I did have an after-thought; what kind of abstract would that create?

   Over the past six weeks I've amerced myself with writing a book with my husband and I've embraced a great deal of reading despite my vision challenge. One book I'm currently reading states to get rid of clutter, whether personal or professional. I guess I can call this my Spring cleaning.

   Unfortunately, my mind is mostly focused on the upcoming surgery. The doctors are confident that I will regain sight in my left eye. I wish I had their confidence. Being an artist and a tad on the sensitive side, I can easily go and orbit this little planet called "worst case scenario". I want to see again. I want to paint again. I want to do more than just paint my finger and toe nails. However, as my husband puts it, if I have the right attitude and mindset, there is hope!

   Until next time, in at least a month,
   The "Left Eye Blind" Painter
   Jill